Okay, so this one I think may be the most helpful and hopefully I won’t digress too much but I can’t promise anything. Once we have the practicalities out of the way, we can move onto what I’ve been up to since I last wrote this blog regularly.
Spoiler alert – it will include the catalogue of house issues I had from my ex’s ‘workmanship’ which also included a touch of carbon monoxide poisoning, mains water leaks, 100mm pipes going into 40mm pipes at a right angle, a septic tank that simply ended with a pipe going into some shingle and lots of bloopers besides all of which, probably cost me in the region of €20,000 to repair. The flip side of this, is that I now have a little black book of excellent and reliable trades that I can call upon.
This was after we spent all day clearing this area – you can see the water from the rain. This was a storage area and could be a nice office which is accessed separately from the main house.
Rain plus electrics made for a winning combination – ironically my son will be a qualified electrician soon.
I dabbled in a spot of dating – many amusing blog posts on this to come. I also embarked upon an unsuitable ‘situation ship’ that lasted on/off for nearly 5 years. Or as my closest friend said “fuckin’ ell Tash how long are you gonna kick this can down the road?!” and another who said “no one is rooting for you to leave than us!” Having said this, I did learn a lot about myself (somewhat trite I know),I had some wonderful moments, memories and I do not regret a single moment of it. He was my escape from the noise in my ‘things to do’ head.
And there have been many great things that have happened – my children have grown immensely – two of which are now adults and I am proud of the people they have become. We have all become a lot closer and work as team. So I did digress. Onto the practicalities of divorcing in France.
The CAF ( Caisse d’allocations familiales)
I suppose in the UK it would come under Income Support – this organisation helps not just families, single parents but also students and basically at any point in your life where you need some financial assistance. Now if you have children in France (more than 2) you will be entitled to child benefit which far exceeds what you would get in the UK. This is payable until the child is 20 (technically 21 if still in education but realistically 20).
Depending upon your income, they can also provide you with vacation vouchers (vacaf) where you can get a decent holiday on a campsite and have money paid towards your petrol. I find this such a wonderful initiative. It means that even families on a low income can have a holiday.
Once your children get older they can also apply for help towards their rent if they are studying or a top up of their wage etc. Bear in mind that if your child does do this, your allocations will go down.
I honestly could not have managed without the help of the CAF during this time. It does get a bad press sometimes about delays etc and when they overpay you and you then owe them money and you have to pay them back. But I can honestly say, that overall, they have been a very welcome god send. If you find yourself being a single parent or indeed fall on hard times, France is not a bad place to do so.
A fun 1970s theme evening is a much more preferable way to spend your time and it was hear I first heard a fabulous Normandy band which is Tiger Bloom!
You can always up date your situation so when we separated I informed the CAF. I then got a phone call to ask that I come in to see them to discuss my situation. I was a bit apprehensive as I did not know what this would entail. I met a very nice lady (bearing in mind my French was only passable at this stage) and I told her my circumstances. She was a bit a aghast at my story and there was a mix of astonishment and respect for the position I found myself in. During this meeting she told me about all the rights I had eg I could get money for a fridge or some household goods etc.
Just as I was leaving; I happened to mention that the room which was attached to my kitchen that was accessed outside, had been left in a dangerous state. It had hanging electrical wires and cardboard under the corrugated iron roof (under the terrace above) to stop leak but basically it was getting worse and worse not to mention dangerous. I told her I needed to repair this and she informed me I was entitled to a home improvement loan and arranged this for me – €1,500 to be repaid over 3 years.
VIP tickets for our local music festival for me and the kids, courtesy of another good friend, was also very welcome. Live your life during a divorce. I honestly didn’t feel any different once it was official – it didn’t mentally change for me as I was already free. By the way, A Tantôt is a very Normandy expressions meaning ‘see you later’.
I walked out of that meeting feeling hopeful and reassured that there was this organisation that was looking to help me. It also helped me contact a subsidiary of theirs whereby they try to recover unpaid child support (pension alimentaire) more of which later. This lovely lady also gave me her personal email – this is like the CAF golden ticket – a direct contact no less and she has helped me over the years and I am very thankful to this lady. That’s right up there with life goals.
So my advice would be to update your situation if you already have a CAF account or make an appointment if you don’t. There is help available.
Assistant Social/France Services
An assistant social is someone that can help contact the various organisation that can help you or speak on your behalf if, for example, you can’t pay bills etc. I suppose in the UK it would be more akin to having a personal Citizen Advice Bureau Contact.
Every town and village will have one who is either available twice a month for you to go in and see or, in larger towns, you can make an appointment. They carry a lot of weight and a good one is like having your own personal cheer leader – free of charge. There is no need to pay a hand holder. You French will get better the more shit you find yourself in – trust me!
You then have France Services who work very much in the same way. This is one of the many things I love about France, there is a safety net (like tenants rights only being looked at now in the UK) and there is no shame in asking and finding out what you are entitled to. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. EDF also give cheques every year towards your bill if you are on a low income. #random #fact
Separation Order
I mentioned in my last blog post (and many do not know of it’s existence) that whilst a divorce is going on (allow for 3 years), you can get a judge to set out the terms of your separation. This is a very sensible thing to do and meant my ex had to pay child support as he had previously paid nothing. These terms can change and invariably will once the divorce has been agreed but in the meantime it is a judge that decides what is fair not your ex.
I put the link below to the French Notaires website (you will need a Notaire if there is a division of a house, assets etc) which sets out the different ways in which you can divorce. If you are a non EU national you cannot divorce by mutual consent (eg all agreed and cheap) as it has to go before a judge for it to be recognised in your country. Having said this, if you do agree it would just mean you could get it rubber stamped.
Pension Alimentaire/Child Support
Now if this isn’t paid which is my case since 2023 you can ask the CAF to intervene – they did initially but I think it is still ongoing and will amount to thousands whether I will get this remains to be seen and it would then be a debt that my ex will owe to the CAF. He was finally awarded to pay just €60 euros per child as he made himself unemployed during our ‘incident’ proceedings (see below) and the French government has set a minimum of approximately €180 per child.
In my glowing era despite the challenges that arose. Nothing a good dog walk, a lengthy whatsapp voice note to your mates and a good laugh won’t sort out!
Huissier/Bailiff
You can also instruct a bailiff which I did on three occasions – the original backdated child maintence ordered at the separation order, then for unpaid shared costs eg school trips and driving lessons and then compensation (I think this was a pity payment of what I had endured) of €500 – which my solicitor informed me is incredibly rare. On these occasions it costs about €150 and you don’t get much back once they take additional fees. The bailiff can freeze the persons bank account much to their surprise and also take payments direct from unemployement benefit. It is far harder to be underhand and dodgy in France than in the UK. It will catch up with you eventually if you try and beat the system.
Abandon de Famille
If no Pension Alimentaire is paid you can ‘porter plainte’ that is, to bring a complaint and either file this with your local gendarmerie or go back to court with all the relevant evidence. The justice website says the following:-
If the parent liable for maintenance fails to pay the full amount of maintenance for more than two months, you can file a complaint for abandonment of a family member.
This offence is punishable by two years’ imprisonment and a fine of €15,000.
If the parent liable for maintenance feels they can no longer meet their obligation, it is up to them to take action and apply to the Family Court (JAF) to request a reduction or cancellation of the maintenance payments.
You may also file a complaint if the parent liable for maintenance fraudulently causes or exacerbates their own insolvency. This offence is punishable by up to three years’ imprisonment and a fine of €45,000.
My next blog and the final one I feel on the Divorce Diaries will be on an ‘incident’ during the divorce process, how to make a police complaint and what happens to the house and assets.
I really hope, as this has been a long and distant memory, that it helps anyone that finds themselves (male or female) in this situation. I have enclosed lots of links that I hope you will find useful and if you have any questions, whilst not an expert on such matters, I will be happen to answer them.
Then we can get back to the juicy stuff.
You have been reading Our Normandy Life!
https://pension-alimentaire.caf.fr/
https://www.france-services.gouv.fr/
https://solidarites.gouv.fr/assistant-de-service-social-ass
https://www.notaires.fr/en/couple-family/differents-types-divorce
https://www.service-public.gouv.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/F1249
Our Normandy Life 